Hallelujah

Ignore the picture up there because it quite honestly does nothing but share the post title and prove that I am not dead and am in fact working on something.

I am cheerful this morning, which may have something to do with the amazing weather, or sleeping in until about 11:30 am instead of waking up at 7 am.
Although, I have a whole crapload of homework that I promised myself that I'd finish this weekend so I can have all projects/paragraphs/reflections/essays/sketchbook assignments/etc. done by this week.
I'm going to seriously need that security, so there's really no room for procrastination, quite unfortunately.

But other than that little pep-talk of sorts, yesterday was all sorts of awesome. My only wish was that Amy would be able to take the Friday adult class again, and she says that she will come next week. :] And hopefully next week, Thursday will not be brutal, and I can take two classes and actually attempt to keep that promise.
I'm really bad at recognizing vague hints, which would explain why so many people are annoyed as hell by me and my occasional blonde-ness.

But anyways, I'm unusually cheerful and am laughing at random intervals for no particular reason. My parents are getting slightly freaked outabout it, but I think after this past year they have learned to cope.
Things that I thought would be a major factor in deciding what happens from here on out are no longer such a major factor apparently. And on the one hand, that takes my chances to 50/50. But taking the 50/50/90 rule into acount, if your chances are ever 50/50, there's a 90% chance you'll get the wrong 50.
And now, since that major factor is taken out of the way, I'm analyzing every other part of myself and I wonder if I'm ever actually going to be okay if I follow through with this. Here's hoping eh?

Peace,

~Lenny

Not happy.

Lately, I feel like somewhat of a jackass. And you know, maybe I am. But at the moment I really don't give a flying fig about what anyone really says anymore.
This is my excuse to vent, and if you come here for the (much needed) updates up top, then go on your merry way and ignore everything past this point.


As a friend, there is only so much whining, bitching, and general "my middle-class suburban life sucks" that I am obligated to put up with. And I think I'm reaching my limit.
I mean, your love life (or lack of) might suck, but honestly, how ever much you want to cry about not seeing him last sunday or how he just doesn't UNDERSTAND you, or how your opinions on capital punishment don't match, I HONESTLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT RIGHT NOW. REALLY.

ALL YOU ARE DOING IS RUBBING SALT AND VINEGAR AND FREAKING PEROXIDE SOLUTION INTO MY WOUND.


At least the object of your affections will still be here in a year. In two years. For prom, for grad. For every birthday until you become legal.
At least you're not faced with the choice of either forgetting about someone who has impacted your life to the extent that you can not imagine life without them,
or waiting for a third of your existance thus far for something that might never even happen.


Yeah I'm pissed.
Yeah I'm sad to the point that I honestly can't bring myself to enjoy anything anymore.


Amazingly enough, I have more of a social life than I've had in years, and I'm outside far more often. But inevitably I'll end up back in my room, thinking. And right now, thinking is absolutely the worst thing for me to be doing.


I get mixed advice from my friends.


I have no idea if I'll follow through with anything.

Right now, I know that nothing I say will make him stay. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to try. All I can ask for is that whatever I choose to do, my friends manage to accept somehow.
If I feel like spending a huge chunk of my life hoping on something that will never happen and choking on regret for all the things I didn't say, then so be it.


It's my choice.


And I hope with all my soul that I make the right one.


Peace,

~Lenny

Watched Coraline today in 3D

Are you strong enough for this survey?
here's hoping.

When is the last time you had butterflies?
Uhh. Last week I think. Or you know, the insane butterflies, sometime in March?

Ever taken a picture kissing somebody?
God no and I hope I never will. Though I've always wondered how people actually do it without a third party observer.

Are you someone who is an ass because you're so honest?
Some people may think so. But I tend to be a really good diplomat?

Do you think making out is slutty?
Not if you keep to a handful of people. And never at the same time.

Was your last kiss perfect?
I barely remember what it felt like. It probably was not perfect though. But then again I have no basis for comparison.

How often do you give out second chances?
Too often.

Do you have any new pictures?
What do you mean? From the AGO yeah.

Ever wanted to never give up on someone?
Yeah now. But THAT's not happening anytime soon.

Be honest, ever listened to Aaron Carter?
uh. no.

What about, "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson?
i don't think i've heard that song

Ever had your heart broken?
Hmm. I've come close.

How is your mood?
frustrated, depressed, hopeless, annoyed and tired.

Three hours ago, were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
no I was not.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
I don't have the slightest idea.

Does the song you're currently listening to remind you of anyone special?
Probably. Everything reminds me of one person nowadays.

Is your MySpace headline from a song?
uh. I have no idea. I haven't been on myspace in what seems like years. Apparently, yes.

Have you ever run over an animal?
No.

What are you afraid of?
Clowns, stuff hiding in the dark, needles, crickets.

Who made you mad today?
Sara annoyed me.

How's your life lately?
Not the greatest place to be. Seriously? It blows.

Is there a difference between love and in love?
Yes. You don't need to be in love with somebody to love them.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
If i wanted to.

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
Yeah. really. I wasn't surprised, I was disappointed.

Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now?
YES YES YES

Three feelings at the moment?
Longing, frustrated, tired

Do you know anyone who smokes pot?
no, actually. Not personally

Does anyone call you babe/baby?
not if they know what's good for them.

What's something that bothers you about girls?
Materialistic self-centered attention whores?

Whose bed were you last in other than your own?
My parents'?

Have you ever cried in front of your number one?
Um nope.

Do you get jealous easily?
No I do not. Some may say otherwise though.

Ever kissed someone who smokes?
No. But at the moment, I really really want to.

Are you starting to realize anything?
Yeah. To quote Maroon 5 "You're my reason for living now, there's no way I'm giving up"

When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Not usually. Actually, I've never really thought about it.

How was last night?
uneventful.

Are there any stressful situations in your life?
yeah. And they're eating me alive.

What were the best days of the week so far?
Wednesday, Thursday.

Have you ever left school just because you didn't want to be there?
No, I'm not that much of a badass.

Does it make you mad when people stare at you?
No, it makes me feel either flattered or slightly nervous.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
My dad? And considering what you consider DEEP, then Amy.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point and aren't around much anymore?
Yes, yes there is.

Did anything cute happen today?
Bill Kaulitz :]

Do people ever spell your name wrong?
Not my name, my last name for the most part. And I've gotten some FUCKED spellings.

Is tommorow going to be a good day?
Saturday. It should be.

Who did you last hug?
Amyy. <3

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?
Pjs.

Are you hungry for anything?
No

Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes?
uhh. Quite possibly.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, Zune, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Haru Haru (Day by Day) - Big Bang
I'm assuming that means NO I'M NOT OKAY

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Duality- Bayside
HAHAHAHAH this is far too accurate.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
Kiss and Control - AFI
Oh yeah. for serious :]

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Call it Karma - Silverstein
Oh god the accuracy of this is sickening.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
For the Nights I Can't Remember - Hedley

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Shut Me Up - Mindless Self Indulgence
That's more my goal. But sure.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace
My friends probably think I'm unstable at the moment.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Pain - Jimmy Eat World
....

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
Bubbly? Like champagne?

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Mama - My Chemical Romance
This explains my math average.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
O - DBSK
LOLLL.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Hug - DBSK
I like hugs, so sure.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Shattered Dreams - Johnny Hates Jazz
More like "what's actually going to happen when I grow up"

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo
.....stupid iPod. It's feeling my brain

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Rammstein - Rammstein
....LOL okay?

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
1985 - Bowling For Soup
"she wishes she was born in 1985"

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban
Well unless a person is considered a hobby

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Opening - Danny Elfman
Opening? hmmm.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance
....it is?

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
It Had to Be You - Motion City Soundtrack
Him. that's what I want.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Carly Smithson